Each day in the run-up to the finals, we’re doing two tracks from the 2015 Eurovision Song Competition and tearing them to shreds analysing them carefully in a bid to predict the winner on May 23rd.
AUSTRIA: The Makemakes – “I Am Yours”
MOSH – Sound all very Elton John. But, hey, it’s Austria – the country that gave us kangaroos, Kylie Minogue and more dangerous animals per square metre than Glasgow city centre at 2am which gets them bonus points because I’m scared of them if not originality. 2/5
DAVE – I swear this bloke is coming on to me, the velvet-voiced lethario. He likes to do it in public by the sounds of it. And he needs to up that falsetto, fnarr fnarr. 2/5
AUSTRALIA: Guy Sebastian – “Tonight Again”
MOSH – Oh, wait. That was Austria. It’s Australia that has the killer fauna. Ah well, too late to take those points back. Which is good as, sorry, but I hate this song. It’s like early Will Smith on Helium with a few riffs stolen from Donna Summer; utterly unoriginal. NUL PWA
DAVE – This recently discovered European country is making its first appearance in the Eurovision – is it Kylie singing for them? We should be so lucky. I actually like this – it’s got da funk. Imagine they won it – they’d be next year’s hosts. Europe would go bankrupt with the travel costs. 4/5
